Divine Suffering

Suffering is also  forbearance.

That vision that teachers have planted in our mind of a pure soul on a long journey of pain in search of truth or..
an earnest seeker  alone on a desert...
a loving mother...who will do her bit every day selflessly despite bearing tremendous pain and uncertainty in her live
Like a majestic tree ...
Like a mountain...

Oh faith, find a way to my heart,
Oh patience be my eternal companion
Oh gentleness make me you.

Ram and Sugreev

Over time the resolution to some doubts, the answers to some questions come to us quite unpredictably ...we must of-course be willing to look with an open mind ...and faith...

Ram and Sita
I've heard passionate arguments from seemingly intelligent people who maintained that King Ram was not an example of a loving husband because he deserted his wife despite her devotedness to him.

However when you read the Ramayan you understand that Ram continued to have his fondest love for Sita. He was devastated as Sita disappeared from his sight.

The reason for his decision becomes clear when we recognize that that husband was not the only role he played. He was also King. And in that role, he had to deliver justice. And justice means you apply the same rules to similar acts irrespective of who did it - a King or  peasant.

In other words he had to apply the same rule to himself as was applied for other similar situations. And the village folk had started pointing this out. How could he be just if he had a different rule for himself.
The story of Rams grief is seldom talked about. He was aware that his choice based on commitment to justice would render tremendous pain to himself and Sita. But he felt that was the "right" thing to do because in the role of a King he had to set an example

Bali and Sugreeva
It is being talked about that Ram having cooperated with Sugreeva for killing Bali was not justified. Because apparently Sugreeva and Bali were in a fight and Ram hides behind a tree to kills Bali as previously planned with Sugreeva.

People forget that in the conversation between Ram and Bali, Ram had advised Bali not to torment his brother. He also mentioned it was not dharma (right conduct)  to forcefully take another's wife (Bali had taken Sugreevas wife).
Balis response was interesting. He said dharma and adharma (right and wrong conduct) were applicable only to the world of humans. They didn't apply in the case of animals. And he being a monkey it didn't apply to him. He also said is someone has more might, let them fight with him and win and take his wife back.
Rams response is even more interesting. He said if one has evolved to the state where one is able to understand and talk about Dharma and Adharma, he is obviously bound by it.
But Bali would have none of it.

Commitment to a single cause

What prevents us from seeing clearly?
It must be our lack of a unilateral focus.
For example, we know that love and attachment of a mother for her child is a natural and beautiful thing. Yet this love and attachment may prevent her from being fair if she were in a situation of giving judgement in a case involving her son. This attachment prevents her from seeing clearly. If the truth/justice must prevail, it is easier if the mum were committed only to truth/justice. But this is difficult.
Her attachment may even enter into her argument as a bias that she's not aware of. She may actually think  she is doing the right thing while she is actually being influenced by her attachment. Such is the power. So in the case of our seeking, shouldn't we first identify and acknowledge our attachments. The things that can influence our thinking?



 

Work, walk, write

We have to work,
We have to walk
We have to write
We can remember that doing these well is itself meditation.
And of course a secular sit at Shiva temple.

And there is the need to for a certain quality of courage and patience to take birth in our hearts

This courage helps us:

• In maintaining our peace in the phase of unresolvable mental confusions; don't we now of the great paradoxes; and the intelligent beings who came up with those were able to accept their non resolvability
• I have seen that at age 50 or above,  Paul after a 4- 5 hour long drive can participate in day long meetings being the most enthusiastic person around. This energy is coming from a certain strength; our hearts have to develop that strength

Surely even in the middle of the darkest nights, I've seen glimpses of gentle and soothing breezes - such as blissful moments of sleep; a simple logical idea that dissolves all confusion; a cup of coffee had in quietness that was suddenly transcended with peace and joy.

Two of the greatest disturbing thoughts are: Fear of loneliness  and fear of permanence
Perhaps we have to get used in a deep level to the disturbance that occurs on contemplating these.


 

Om Namo Narayanaya

So what if faith in god has disappeared? In seeking faith or fearing its absence we are already under the spell of vested self interest - why else do we "seek" faith? Of course it is sought to serve as a  lifeboat, to help us wade through tough, stormy and uncertain waters.

But who can deny the divine and innocent friendship of Gopal who would turn up suddenly along the boring and tiresome path through the woods, to school. He would come, just to give me company. As his beautifully lazy cows accompanied us, chewing all the time. After Gopal appeared and after he left there wasn't an uncomfortable  craving ever, just a positive assurance that all was well with the world and being alive was beautiful. Friendship made it so.

But Gopal was a gift, and so too is suffering. The universe wants me to have it.

And have we not seen that our judgement, thoughts, feelings and sensations around suffering too constantly evolves. Nothing is constant.

Of course what we are striving for is clarity. Like I read, freedom is being able to see our confusion with all clarity. It is natural to not understand our confusion and yet be perturbed by it. And perhaps it is to the credit of our foolishness and impatience that we fail to take assurance and experience freedom from the idea that millions of brilliant minds have already walked this planet and are walking it now, whose intelligence were as sharp as a shining sword and their courage that of a selfless lion; and we think we have stumbled upon an unsurmountable mental confusion;

We can also remember with gratitude and amazement that the part of our mind that helps us transact in the world has helped us in our affairs. So thank you oh unknown power.


 

Games the good mind plays...

The mind may say  it is unclear of everything...then how can it be certain there is a reason for anxiety.

It is the heart that judges that needs to be seen...a thousand thoughts may appear and disappear in our mind...we may be passionate of and may even peruse some with interest..some may be aligned with and some unaligned  with our values...we think some because  we believe we should not (OCD)...

We must remember the fact that all thoughts are made of the same matter and in that sense not different...it is our judgement of the thoughts that causes us pain...

in fact our interest in our mental process seems to increase when/if we think there is a cause for concern...but the judgement that there is a cause for concern is not based on any facts or reason...its just like the classic example of judging the rope to be snake. This judgement and the following negative emotions stops us from being able to clearly look at the problem...

...and god blesses me with good sleep occasionally ...perhaps the nutmeg milk just before going to bed is helping me...is this space of sleep from which I arise as if from bliss not a touch with god.

Mental Process Analysis of Anxiety

Thoughts (what if thoughts) followed by judgement (as not okay) followed by sensation/feeling;
This is the route the disturbance takes to form;
The supposed reasons have changed but the sequence is the same;
Perhaps the mind will take several iterations of this sequence with different reasons before finally being convinced that there is simply no truth in the imagination that "something is wrong"